DOTH THOU COMPREHEND???

This is the vent to beat all vents...

There, I've warned you.

Ever seen the "Free the Schlivley Volvo" episode of "Designing Women"?

Well--I had a moment like that today.

I"m just going to say it--how do mechanics get away with being so...so...

DISCRIMINATORY???????

Honestly--I read an article today about the whole religion/business issues that are out there in this day and age.

Yet--with complicated issues such as these--I literally had to stand in front of 4 grown old men today--and holler, basically "DOTH THOU COMPREHEND???"

I mean (I'm now speaking directly to the supposed mechanics)--I'm sorry that your main mechanic went home sick yesterday--but I ONLY HAVE 1 CAR!!!! I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO ANOTHER CAR!!! AND I HAVE TO GO TO WORK ON MONDAY!!!!

They literally could not get it through their thick skulls that the fact that their mechanic was ill, that they (supposedly) tried to call me 4 times (ya--no record of ANY attempts to call me), almost 20 hours AFTER he went home ill--that I had every right to demand that they put my car BACK TOGETHER the way I brought it in--so I could take it home!!!

I mean--I think they literally thought (until I yelled at them the fourth time) that I was going to have them fix it!!!

So--here is my "Doth Thou Comprehend" message to ALL mechanics everywhere:

Yes--they're all going to be capitalized!!!

1. WHOM DO YOU ALL THINK YOU ARE? THE GODS OF THE WORLD? YES, YOU UNDERSTAND "CAR SPEAK" WHILE WE, (THE UNEDUCATED) HAVE TO SPEAK TO YOU IN "SQUEAKS" AND "POSSIBLE ENGINE NOISES"--BUT WE ARE THE ONES WHO PAY YOU!!!! SO STOP TAKING US FOR GRANTED, AND STOP TAKING US FOR ALL WE HAVE!!!

2. THE CAR IS NOT YOURS!!!!! IF I WANT TO TAKE IT--I CAN--ANY OLD TIME I WANT. YOU DO NOT OWN IT--SO IF I DEMAND IT--GET UP OFF YOUR KEISTER AND GET IT READY!!!

3. JUST BECAUSE I HAVE B O O B S AND A U T E R U S DOES NOT MEAN I'M STUPID, OR SHOULD BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF--SO QUIT LOOKING AT ME EITHER LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A WOMAN BEFORE--OR WITH MONEY SIGNS IN YOUR EYES WHEN I WALK IN THE DOOR!!!

4. REGULAR PEOPLE HAVE JOBS--AND PLACES THEY NEED TO BE BETWEEN 7:30-5:00---AND THEY HAVE TO GET IN CONTACT WITH YOU DURING THE LUNCH HOURS. S0 WHY DON'T YOU PLAN ACCORDINGLY--AND START HAVING HOURS AND LUNCH BREAKS WHEN WE ARE NOT WORKING--AND DON'T HAVE 15 MINUTES WORTH OF TIME TO GET A HOLD OF YOU?

5. WOMEN REMEMBER (TYPICALLY) MUCH BETTER THAN MEN. SO, WHEN YOU OVERCHARGE ME, FIX THE WRONG THING BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME, DON'T TALK TO ME PRIOR TO FIXING SOMETHING, OR DO ANYTHING ELSE TO TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME--I WILL REMEMBER. NOT ONLY THAT--BUT I WILL SEND OUT MESSAGES TO ANY ONE ELSE I TALK TO ABOUT NEVER USING YOU!!!

6. STOP NOT QUOTING ME THE WHOLE PRICE. IF YOU CHARGE TAXES--INCLUDE THEM IN THE QUOTED PRICE.

7. DON'T CALL ME "mA'AM, SWEETIE" OR ANY OTHER NAME WHEN I'M OBVIOUSLY MAD AT YOU. IT WILL ONLY MAKE ME MADDER.

8. LISTEN. LISTEN AGAIN. LISTEN MORE. LISTEN MORE. LISTEN. CAN I SAY THAT MORE?

9. I DO APPRECIATE IT WHEN YOU WARN ME OF UPCOMING FIXES, PRIOR TO THEM HAPPENING--BUT NOT DEMANDING I MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO FIX THEM RIGHT THEN!

10. FINALLY--(FOR THE MOMENT)--IF I HAVE TO GO HOME AND GOOGLE THE REAL PRICE ON SOMETHING, THE MEANING OF A NAME OF SOMETHING, WHETHER I'M REALLY SAFE TO DRIVE MY CAR, TO SEE YOUR REVIEWS, OR HAVE TO PRAY THAT MY ANXIOUS STOMACH DOESN'T SET OFF MY HEALTH PROBLEMS--I WILL LIKELY NEVER COME BACK. PUH-LEASE DON'T CAUSE THIS TO HAPPEN IF YOU WANT ME TO COME BACK. BE HONEST!!!!!

Say it with me!!! "Free the Schively Volvo!!!" Quit thinking you can hold "us" (especially us with b o o b s and u t e r u s e s) hostage because of your control of the mechanic market!!!