Random.....everything?

My mind has been racing as of lately--pondering on a lot of subjects.

So many that I don't know if I can remember them all here.

I'll try to write about some of the "randomness"....

**I recently read one of my favorite blogs. The lady who writes it is very insightful. She is fighting skin cancer--she's at the "maintenance" level now. So--she gets a maintenance chemo about once a month.

She wrote about how sometimes she looks in the mirror--and does not recognize who she is.

She said, yes--some of this is cause of the chemo (although she is not bald, and the side-effects, luckily, have been reasonably minimal)--but still "poison shows through"--

It reminded me of recently reading about Shannon Miller.

For those who may not remember, she was a member of the "Magnificent 7" USA Women's Gymnastic team of 1996. This last year (2011) was the 15th anniversary of their gold medal win (YES--you read that right--FIFTEENTH!!!)

I was linked to her website, where she writes about her recent "battle" with ovarian cancer: http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/

I really liked her website. Although she promotes healthy lifestyles, she isn't "in your face" and cruel about it.

Have you ever noticed how cruel supposed "healthy lifestyle (mainly weight loss) comercials and stuff like that are? And we let these incredibly inhumane and rude concepts rule our lives so much....ugh....

Anyway--I digress.

My point is--the thirties are an interesting decade.

At this time, my friends who had children in the 1990's have teenagers.

In fact--some of those teenagers are "future" college-student aged....

Even those who had children in 2000 will have 12 year old's this year.

And I look in the mirror--and think "How did that happen?".

I realize that many of my friends will be becoming grandparents, at the same time I'm finally becoming a parent. Little bit of an ugh...

I'm not sure if it makes me feel younger, or older?

My 30's have been eventful. Just in a very different way than most of my friends.

But, I agree with the blogger I wrote about--sometimes I look in the mirror--and go "hmmm--when did that happen?"

I don't typically ask "who is that"--I recognize myself very well.

But--I remember around about 31 looking in the mirror and going "wow--I look different....."--as the blogger talked about. It's not a bad thing--just something that we have to get used to---this "aging" thing.

I don't mind it--am not really afraid of it (although the gray hair is annoying!)--but it is kind of weird. It's like "wasn't I just 25?"

**I hate it when people say things, seemingly on purpose, to see my reaction. Especially when I think they want to see my reaction as a member of the LDS Church.

Part of this is because there are many circumstances in which I do not feel it is appropriate for me to voice my actual thoughts--mainly because it will just cause negativeness or contention. I typically wait until I either feel prompted to say something--or for a more opportune situation to say something.

I do stand for what is true--but I also feel it's important to not shove "truth" in other's faces--from my experience this typically leads to contention.

I try to follow what Elder Oaks says in this wonderful CES talk: http://lds.org/broadcasts/article/ces-devotionals/2011/10/truth-and-tolerance?lang=eng

But--I also worry--I don't want others to assume that my silence in inopportune situations as acceptance of wrong.

Although--I suppose that since I still get those times when someone seems to be trying to "set off something" that perhaps my life choices and example is enough?

It is like Elder Oaks says--there is moral truth. Moral truth needs to be defended---but moral truths should not be forced, and negative treatment of those who believe differently typically does not promote good.

It's a very frustrating balance--and typically leads me to prayer--begging the Lord to help me know what to do and what to say--or when not to say something.

So--perhaps I just need to accept those times when my mind is blank, and I don't know what to say as a time that the Lord wants me to not set off contention?

The other part that is frustrating--is especially when someone comments about things they have NO idea about (i.e. issues in SLCity, for example--when they've never been there)--just cause I "raise an eyebrow" does not mean that I did so for the reason they assume. But--when they say it to try to possibly set off some kind of reaction from me (at least, that's how I feel)---I try to have no reaction--or minimal (raised eyebrow). Again, though--I just hope they don't assume this reaction means I agree with them--arg!

**I finally watched 17 Miracles. It was well done. This makes me happy. I'm grateful the Lord presents miracles (especially the visitation of angels) typically when we least expect it. Cause sometimes realizing how close we are to "others" is so comforting--and sometimes it just feels weird. I love one of the "out-takes"--one of the deleted scenes--where an angel appears to one of the sisters while she's struggling with her cart--and her look of "What the what?"

The other thing I like about the film is the representation of the "non-typical" situations--the person with a disability, the single mother who left her abusive husband, the little girl sent on her own, and so forth.

It's comforting to know that, in reality, many were in "non-typical" situations. It made me think of my great great great grandmother--who was a member of the same Willie party. She lost both her parents and her best friend on the trip. She was completely alone, with only a sister back in England who had also joined the Church--but did not come to the US for many more years.

Once she got to UT, she married and had a child with a man, and later was granted a divorce from Brigham Young. She (as far as we can tell) was not awarded full custody of her daughter. She later became a plural wife--but actually took on at least 9 children not her own because the man's first wife left him.

She bore at least 10 children. Before she became a plural wife she was a working mother (working outside of the home). She continued, of course, to be a working mother in the home all the rest of her life.

But--the movie made me think of how her life was certainly not "typical"--and perhaps we forget in this Church, how most of the early members lived very atypical lives--atypical from what many in the Church assume is the "norm".

It's comforting to me....to know this.

Especially as the "goal" is different now--to build "Zion" where we are--to seek out those who need the truth beyond the mountains of UT.

I've traveled those "roads" more than once now--between IA to UT--but typically I was going "backwards"--the opposite direction of my great great great grandmother.

It almost seems odd--that they gave up so much to get to UT--yet I think it's the way it was meant to be.

The Saints needed the time to "grow and learn" within the mountain "walls". And now, their posterity, needs to grow beyond the walls.

It's actually a beautiful thing, I think.

**Oh--and I feel really bad for Levi S. Man--he took on a lot of "blame" by just being honest about the risks. But, I do believe that each member had to consciously choose to stay the course--and they would not be able to make that decision consciously if he had not outlined specifically for them what risks they were truly taking. Just my opinion.

Okay--there's some of the randomness going on in my brain....