Beyond Me....

I've had a lot of important thoughts running through my head this week about what to write this week on this blog.

I thought about writing about how I just don't accept "ignorance" as an excuse. I don't care if people are ignorant--cause really, don't we choose (for the most part) to be (or stay) ignorant? So, when I get that excuse of "well, they weren't trying to be offensive, they were just ignorant (especially about people with disabilities) I just want to say that ignorance is not a good excuse. It's 2012! It doesn't mean any of us are perfectly knowledgeable, but in this day and age, for those of us who are basically well educated anyway--do we really have the right to use the excuse of "ignorance"?

OR

I thought about blogging about politics--and about consequences--and about how there seem to be those who think they shouldn't have to face consequences--and those of us who realize that consequences are part of the plan--and make EVERYTHING conditional (including love, thank you!). But--then I thought better of opening the political "can of worms".

So--instead I'm going to write about things beyond me. I learned something this week--about how someone else has been treated. Someone who is different than me. And I was reminded yet again that there are some things that are just beyond me.

I just can't fathom how others can honestly be "that" way. It's not that any of us are perfectly not guilty of believing a stereotype. I think everyone has likely been guilty of assumptions and even some amount of prejudice.

BUT--I guess what is beyond me, is that I was raised to recognize these (assumptions that turn into prejudice) in myself, and CORRECT them!!!! And, my assumptions didn't have to be proven wrong in order to correct myself.

So--it's just beyond me how other people can be such the opposite of this.

Now--don't get me wrong. I'm grateful that this is beyond me!

But--I just can't fathom it. It's like (in my mind)--on one level my brain "gets" it--but on another (the higher level, I suppose)--it just doesn't.

Now--to turn that "beyond me" on it's side:

Have you ever experienced a time, physical health wise, where something was "beyond" you?

Where the physical problems you were experiencing were just beyond your ability to "overcome" alone?

I have--more than once.

It's an interestingly hard experience. Luckily, each time I was able to find the treatment I needed to solve the problem (the last one I experienced, though, the treatment was pretty darn expensive--it involved moving! Oye!)

Anyway--I was pondering this as I was walking today--and remembered being a teenager.

See--at one point as a teenager, I gave in. I was so convinced that I was not beautiful enough, skinny enough, and of enough worth--that I needed to "fix" my physical appearance by giving into a horrible addiction (meaning--not a d r u g addiction--but an addiction involved with food, purging, etc).

I had yet to "give in"--but I had tried. But this day--as I attempted to give in--something happened. Through my tears--I heard a voice--luckily it was the Spirit.

And you know what it said "There are more important things than this". As I looked in the mirror, it said it again "There are MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN THIS!!!"

And--I realized what I was being told.

See--knowing myself, it could have been easy to give into the obsession. And the "opposition" LOVES for us to obsess, and distracting us from what is important for us to do here on this earth.

But, there are more important things for us all to do.

So--I started to research, and learn. Even though I had never been wholly successful, I realized that "eating disorder" was where I was at.

I read, and learned--and realized that I had to choose something different.

Do I feel lucky I never wholly "gave in". Yes--but, I have some ability to fathom the reality of these issues.

So now--I purposefully choose to NOT do specific things.

For example--I do not own a scale. When I've lived in houses with scales, I obsess.

I am aware of calories, but counting each of them can be dangerous for me. So I have to be very careful about that.

Because of other health issues, I cannot have an empty stomach without severe pain and consequences. Thus, I've had to accept who I am--every last molecule of myself.

AND--that although others may judge me as having a problem that is "beyond me" because I"m not "skinny"---I have learned to see beyond these judgements.

NOW--this is not easy--AT ALL. It means focusing on health--some days are better than others. Some weeks are better than others. Some months--and some years--are better than others.

It means I have to recognize prejudice for what it is--and face that head on. But, by focusing on health--I have to give and have faith in the Lord--and that, as imperfect as my physical appearance may be to the world, that He will help me.

Thus--I eat, I exercise, I sleep. I watch and am careful about my health and health problems. Sometimes the problems (as in now) mean I have to make health choices others may judge. I have had to learn (and remind myself) that they don't know the whole story--and they don't matter.

But mostly--this has taught me that there are MORE IMPORTANT things than how we look, and even, how we feel. As I've grown through this experience--I've realized that what the Lord has been teaching me is that it's not about me--it's about Him. It's not that He does not want us to be healthy---but even health is not as important as doing what He wants, following the Commandments, and Following Him (having a mother with terminal cancer has helped me learn this as well. What is important at this point is not her health--as much as it has been and continues to be her choices in life).

So--in this month of "resolutions"--I remind myself that, although some of my health problems are "beyond me", that the Lord will help me with it all.

What a beautiful thing!

(P.S. Although with all of this--I must still admit that if I see one more signing WWer's comercial, I may just through something at J. Hudson! Can they just be done--cause it's getting annoying!)