Beware of the vent coming on....

Okay--

You know what? I'm tired of it--really I am.

Ya--I do not agree with the "rich" protesters (although, not all of them are "rich" I'm sure) complaining that the government is not helping them out enough.

But, I'm also REALLY tired of those supposed "55%'s" or 53%'s or whatever the heck they call themselves.

When did it become okay to ASSUME that because you were LUCKY and privileged enough to grow up (for the most part) caucasian, somewhere in the middle class (usually), and supposedly "self-sufficient" (which really--NO ONE is truly self-sufficient--even from the government--cause even if you live in a mountain somewhere "off" the grid--you would not be able to live there unless EVERYONE else was living far away from you "on" the grid!!!), that they can feel empowered to try to rub other's noses in their smuggness?

I'm sure they don't mean to do this--but this is when I get annoyed.

Yes--I agree--that if you grew up privileged, and with parents who had a lot of money that you have no right to whine. But, I also agree, that if you grew up of a certain race, privileged, with food on the table, a parent who could stay home, 2 parents who worked so your family could be at the "middle class", and even at least 1 parent with some college in their back-pocket--you have no right to assume you understand what others are going through!

Assuming, for example, that because you were awarded scholarship after scholarship at the college of your choice--means that if "others only work hard and long enough, and apply, they'll get scholarships too" is ludicrious! I attended a college with a huge amount of other very good students--with very little extra funding for scholarships (or donated funding). I applied every year for scholarships. I don't think I was ever awarded ONE!!!

Assuming that, for example, because you or your parents "worked hard" that other people receiving financial assistance of any type from the government, have not, or are not working hard--is again--a bunch of bull!!!

I have met MANY people--working hard at more than one low paying job (including both my parents) to keep food on the table (my parents even prioritized to the point where basically they kept food on the table--we didn't even really have appropriate clothing--but we had food). And yet, many of these families have depended upon WIC, or Food Stamps, or heaven forbid, TANF, or SSDI---when they have needed it. Does this make them "weak"? NO--if anything--it can make them stronger!

Here's the reality I see: perhaps we should change the word from "self-sufficiency" to "monitored dependency". You see--we're all truly dependent upon each other. I mean--would home-schooling children grow up to be successful--if they were surrounded by neighbors and co-workers whom had no education at all? Likely not. Our success is dependent upon others successes. I had a house to grow up in, tuition paid (and schooling subsidized), and further higher education provided, in part or whole, because of tax payers. I've also always been a tax payer. But, I've worked with and known well far too many people in far too many circumstances to say "my experiences should be the same as yours--and if they're not--YOU did something wrong". No--instead I think "hey--if I can serve my community and help others--perhaps I can help make the world a little better for someone. And maybe, just maybe, their life can become a little better--and they can help other's lives improve as well."

(P.S. I just want to commend a friend of mine, BTW. She wrote an awesome blog entry recently about her college experience, and how it was exactly what she needed. But--she recognized, that even thought she attended a religious private college, even HER education was subsidized by member's tithing in the Church. And, she discussed how she worked hard to ensure that this investment in her future was not wasted. I was highly impressed with her blog!!!)

A Teacher Worth Remembering...

This last week one of my favorite teachers passed away.

I have not seen her since 2nd grade. But, as my mother and siblings would put it, we were 2 peas in a pod.

It is amazing the ironies between her life an mine that have amazed me over the last couple weeks.

For example, her birthday is the day after mine (a different year, of course).

She adopted 2 girls as a LDS faithful single woman! This made my heart sing!

She introduced me to so many amazing authors and books! She promoted me writing. She carefully cared for my 2nd grade heart.

She was truly an amazing teacher worth remembering! And--her influence is truly amazing. I just think of how many lives she touched--because she touched mine. It is truly a wonderful heritage!

Thank you Ms. Butterfield. You are truly loved!

Here is her obituary!

Janean Butterfield
July 22, 1944 ~ October 15, 2011
Hometown: Sandy, UT



Janean Butterfield
1944 – 2011

Our Beloved Mother, Grandmother and Friend Janean Butterfield returned home to Heavenly Father on Saturday, October 15, 2011.

Janean was born July 22, 1944 to Elias C. and Maxine Sargent Butterfield and shared her birth with her twin sister Janeal.

Janean was born and raised in Riverton Utah. She attended Riverton Elementary, West Jordan Jr. High and Bingham High School. She graduated from BYU in Education and earned her Masters Degree from Westminster College.

Janean was a hard worker and self supporter. Early in her life she worked at the Salt Lake Genealogical Society. She was a Master Teacher in Jordan School District for 31 years. She went the extra mile and tutored many students and is remembered and loved by hundreds if not thousands.

Janean loved her two daughters, Lexie and Kenzie and lived to see the birth of her first granddaughter born hours before her passing.
Janean was a friend to all and was loved by all who knew her. She was an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was privileged to receive her Temple Blessings in the Jordan River Temple. She served in the auxiliary organizations of the Church and was a faithful Visiting Teacher.

Janean was an accomplished pianist.

Janean loved to shop and especially enjoyed getting a bargain.

She was preceded in death by her parents. Janean is survived by her children Alexis Catherine Butterfield (Dylan Bailey), and McKenzie Maxine (Jeremy) Lane and granddaughter Lily Persephone Lane. She is also survived by her siblings Brent E. Butterfield (Carolyn), Roger C. Butterfield (Sue), twin sister Janeal B. Wells (Kent), Veda Burgoyne (Mike), Craig S. Butterfield (Becky), Rhonda Rindlisbach (Kim) and many nieces and nephews who loved her.

We express Thanks to those who lovingly cared for our Mother, Grandmother and Sister during her life long trial with Heart Disease which she endured to the end with faith and courage.

Funeral services will be held Tuesday October 18, at 12 noon in the Crescent Park 3rd Ward, 11250 South 1300 East Sandy, Utah.

A Viewing will be held Monday from 6-8 pm at the Broomhead Funeral Home, 12600 South 2200 West, Riverton, Utah and at the church Tuesday morning at 10:45 a.m.

Interment in the Riverton City Cemetery.

Randomness: Minus 1 fingernail, 1 larger hole in my fender....

This week has been randomly annoying.

Perhaps it's cause everyone around me (including me) is impatiently waiting for this day to be over so the 'break" can begin.

Ya--that's what I bet too.

So here's some randomness for you:

About 2 weeks ago I lost a thumbnail. I have that horrible habit of biting my fingernails. I'm MUCH better than I used to be (helped to get a dissertation done, and move down south...)

But--I still do bite them on occasion--especially on days/weeks like today/week. BUT--I do not bite my thumb nails.

Thumb nails are VERY useful--especially in this day and age. Have you ever notices all that we do with our fingers/hands, and even our nails? Just try typing on a computer without a couple fingers. What a pain (especially if you know how to type). Try texting without nails, if you have them. ARG! Thus, The last couple weeks I've felt like I'm missing a strange, and very small limb! If someone could just figure out a way to stop your natural nails from breaking!

Today I wanted to go to Chick-fil-A after my marathon shopping trip for something for one of my classes (and a couple other things). I pulled the very crazy left turn, drove down to the "Chick"--and then proceeded to see an hour long line at the drive through! I really needed to get to work before 3:00 p.m.--so I had to change my plans--turn around 3 times, finally ended up at the Subway across from my work :(

Then--the Spirit used this lovely experience as a lesson to me. I had to agree to something today--that in all honesty--I'm not too happy about. It is a step in the right direction--but it's like taking a step on a circular stairway. You start out going up, and up, and up--but you have to stop on those 1 steps. The ones that curve more than others. And sometimes, you have to "hang out" there for a while until you get up to the next step. The lesson I was taught was that you don't always get what you want for lunch everyday....sometimes you just have to fill the hunger--even if it's not on the "step" you want to be on right this second. Does that make sense? Nope? Well--let's just say it's teaching me patience--that I have to go step by step--that, I hope, will eventually lead to exactly what I want. I hope!

So right now, it seems like lots of ick going on in people's lives. My 2nd grade teacher (a favorite) just died. I'm not "mourning"--as in crying. But--once I read her obituary, and a little more about her life, I now see, yet again, the ironies in my life. How connected the 2 of us were (we were 2 peas in a pod--just ask my mom). She has become, in 2 days, not just my favorite 2nd grade teacher, but my example of a woman I'd like to be like. How touchingly beautiful. Just wish I didn't have to figure this all out after she was gone from this earth. Did you know, her birthday is the day after mine. I mean--ironies--seriously!

But some other ick--it's weird being a "blogger"--cause I connect with other's stories. Like the momma who has 2 almost "twins" with DS. I connected to their blog cause they're LDS and just adopted one of the twins from another country. She is now (miracle) really expecting twins! But--they have twin to twin transfer. So, this already incredibly fast moving year of miracles is yet again, filled with the need of one more! Praying.

Or another momma blog I read. She lost her little one with DS suddenly about 2 years ago. It's been incredibly difficult. And she just announced that she and her family just lost her only son, and their house to a fire! Oh my! I have no words. It's moments like these where I look up at the heavens and go "huh? HELP!"

Anyway--do I have a point? No. Not really. It's just a big mix of feelings, pain, annoyance, and gratefulness right now? Ever feel that way?

P.S. The larger hole in my fender came from a coyote getting hit at the exact same spot as a raccoon did about 2 years ago. Broke out a bigger hole. Oh, what to do now? Get a new fender, and hope and pray something bigger doesn't dive in front of my car while I"m going 70 miles an hour?

P.P.S. There are a lot of people with Mustangs in my new town! Do you know how much I like Mustangs? I got to rent/drive one once. I've been in love ever since!!! Too bad they cost so much, and make your car insurance go up so much! Who knew I'd ever be a "sports car" woman!

Okay--enjoy the rest of your random day. I'm sure I will!

Eye Floaties

So....

The last week has been quite emotionally intense. More than intense, really.

And I'm a little tired. Luckily--things are looking better---well--relatively--for my mom. So praying and praying...

But--here's a totally random topic to discuss today.

Did you know that we can develop eye floaties?

Yup--we can.

And I know this--cause I HAVE ONE!!! And yes--it's a little annoying.

I have good vision (other than dry eyes because of medications I'm on plus way too much time in front of this here computer).

So--once I started having this weird floatie dark think in one eye--I kind of freaked out a little.

But--one night, while I was living "up north"....I literally looked up "eye float" on Google.

And guess what--this is NORMAL. Like a huge amount of us (as in humans) get these--especially once we hit our thirties.

Kay--like, had no idea! I can't really remember how they develop. But they typically disappear over time (mine has not yet).

You should get them checked out by an eye doctor, just in case.

But really....the things I've learned about over the years about the human body (mainly cause I experience them) that no body tells us, are actually "typical" problems.

Wow!

Otherwise---I'm beginning to accept the reality that fall is here. The leaves are changing here "in the south". But, it's still pretty warm during the day. In fact, last week was REALLY warm.

I'm thoroughly enjoying it--and of course, am maintaining my annual goal of wearing capris as long as possible (my goal is to make it to November this year!!).

Yes--my logical brain sometimes walks outside, and expects cold--but instead "cool" is what we're dealing with. But, my "emotional brain" responds with JOY!!!

I love how slow fall is coming on. It usually does this in KS too, even though fall comes slightly earlier. I LOVE THAT!!!

I hated that last year--that basically by the end of September, fall was over. It's like that in UT (notice--it's already SNOWED there!!!) I'm good with slow season changes, thank you!!!

But--yes--the desire for "holiday" celebration is slowly growing. I had my nieces and nephew help me decorate for Halloween while they were visiting last week (that was REALLY fun).

And--yes, strangely enough--I've started watching my annual "It's a Wonderful Life" marathon. For some reason, at this time of year, especially when "the other shoe drops"--which it kind of did some last week---that movie brings me comfort. So--hey--whatever works!!!

Have a loverly!

Don't be funny...Don't be cute....

Cause I just can't handle it right now.

I'm breaking my rule about blogging...doing it when I usually don't.

I want to ask for prayers for my mom...she has to go on chemo again.

But--I also want/need to vent. Parents can be frustrating, as pathetic and selfish as that may sound right now.

I vent on here...my whine and cheese blog.

I admit, last year, when I couldn't vent on it--I found it truly frustrating.

There are 2 people who truly, truly completely know me. My mom....and Jesus.

And unfortunately, only 1 of them is regularly on the planet...so much so that I can call her.

But I hate this. I hate that she puts off calls to her doctor to advocate for her needs. I hate that she--for more than 20 years now, does not seem to grasp how her apathy is so selfish...so mind boggling. That it does not exemplify faith to us that her initial response is anxiety and apathy...rather than anxiety and action.

Who gives a flying fart in space if you have to go into medical debt? The Lord has always taken care of them before...he'll continue to do so now.

Who cares if it means you have to face something hard. She goes on and on how her whole life has been facing hard things. So why put them off, when you're endangering you life by doing so?

Do you really care that little about your children and husband? Cause that is what is communicated to us.

And also...the last thing I can handle today is people telling me how selfish I am. Most of these people have no idea what it's like to have grown up with a parent who has been perpetually ill. Most have no idea what it is like to have a parent who has nearly died more than once. And I can promise that most have no idea what it is like to see a parent struggle with apathy and pride--rather than demanding help...now.

The Mormon mother martyr attitude drives me nuts. And most people do not grasp this at all.

So....today, of all days....please don't say anything funny or cute. Please don't patronize me with "sympathy". And please don't tell me how selfish I am.

Because if the only person who truly, truly knew and understood you was dealing with terminal cancer.....you would likely sound as fed up and selfish as I do too.

Thanks for the vent!