Mucinex is a beautiful thing!!! Took it a half hour ago--and it's already working. Beautiful!!!
Kay--forgive me readers--but Mormons (especially Mormon women) are SO predictable!!! Do you think Des Book is rushing their order of ANYTHING with forget-me-nots on it? I do! Seriously people! I liked his talk too---but do people really need to make a profit off of our general authority's talk??? BUGS ME!!!!
Crashed on the couch last night....woke up in the same position. Ya--think I was tired.
I jinx myself when I talk about "good" things that are happening. Certainly, I thank the Lord in my prayers. But if you don't notice me raving about the "good" things--that's why. When life is "good" and not too stressful, I start looking for the other "shoe to drop". And it ALWAYS does!!! This is just how my life has ALWAYS worked. I'm not being cynical here. Just realistic. Some people think I'm cynical. I'm not. Just really really REAL!!!
Shopping for insurance. UGH!!! All I can say.
So--here's a fun one for you. I'm not currently a "parent". But--I've studied child development, and education my whole life. I've worked with more children and teenagers than I can count. I'm very observational--and pay attention. Thus, when my friends (some of whom become parents practically or rarely never having worked or been around a lot of kids other than their siblings) have kids--and ask questions--I usually have answers or suggestions. This is quite frustrating. I've learned to say things like "my sister who has kids does this" or "my friends who have children do this"--cause I've noticed the typical initial response to my "suggestions" is "how do you know, you don't have kids". I try also to not give too much advice too often--cause honestly, I get tired of the "attitude" back. Ya--I don't know everything, and I admit that--but oddly enough, even as a single person---I've paid attention my whole life to how babies, children, and teens work. So sometimes, I may actually have observed something that works. Doesn't mean I "know" much of anything (other than what those letters at the end of my name represent I've learned through my 4 degrees)--but it has been my life work. So--just wish sometimes others kind of "got" this better. That's all.
Anywho--that's my random whine for the day. Have a good one!
I don't love this cause I'm perfect at not "blaming" (hello--just vented)---
But because I have experience making "empowered" choices. Especially choices when I've been told "that's crazy". Ya--but crazy is still possible!!! :)
And yes, I hit the snooze button. I just make the "empowered choice" the night before to set the alarm 1/2 hour or so earlier than I actually have to get up. Then, I'm (usually) still on time!!!
About how people telling you your finding "fault"--and actually finding fault in you.
About how some people are convinced that if they just ignore the problems in this world--they will all go away.
About how those same people judge others like myself, who hit problems "head on"--by recognizing them, acknowledging that they are there, pointing them out (you know, the elephant in the room types like me), and DEALING with them---are some how the one's in the "wrong"--or the "judgemental" types--when really--isn't it the one's who refuse to change and recognize their PART in the problem who really have the "problem"?
I need to vent about when you're told one thing (like a place, or a date), and then dealing with the frustration when that place or date is changed either at the last minute (place), or early (date)--leaving you "up a creek"--I hate that!
I need to vent about about what it's like to still be living in boxes.
I need to vent about how much it hurts to be the one blamed for the "problems"--when I'm actually the one who points them out. Ya--that's a fun position to perpetually be in. One of those double-edged sword spiritual gift like problems.
I need to vent about dealing with those who accept the "status quo" as the "only" way--when it truly becomes the "wrong" way once some people hold to it like it's the only tree standing in a tsunami!!! Seriously!!!
And--I really need to vent about these types of people--who claim to represent the same religion I belong to. They claim to represent the doctrine our Saviour taught--when in reality--if I didn't know better than to choose to not become offended (although obviously--I do need to vent)---I'd love to get out that actual doctrine (which I've read and studied almost daily since 17--and no--I'm not bragging--just pointing out a truth) and show them where they're wrong.
And--lastly--I'd just like to point out that I know that none of you reading this vent have any idea what I'm talking about--and are not involved in any of this at all.
I just really needed to vent!!! Forgive me please!
My eye has been twitching since I finally woke up today. This week was WAY busy and a little stressful. I feel like I've got nothing done--but I did attend the trainings I was supposed to. So--I guess I did. So--I made up for a lot of lost sleep in the last 30 plus hours. And--then I woke up with a twitching eye lid. I hate that!!! Wish there was a way to get it to stop.
I'm actually watching a little "pig skin" tonight. Yes--I cheer Red. Actually--I usually cheer Crimson and Blue--but they lost really sadly this morning--so tonight--it's "GO BIG RED!!!"
I tried to go to a SA activity tonight. Um....usually it helps--if someone is going to plan one of those...to let people know WHERE IT IS!!! Ya--after an hour of trying to figure it out--I gave up....and went to G. Corral. Yummy! I promised myself almost a decade ago--after trying to attend a YSA activity that ended up being in a different place than I was told (stupid!)--that when I had to deal with stuff like that....and even after trying, still could not find it....I gave the "higher power" this basic message "if I have to deal with this....and it still does not get anywhere when I try to go to one of these activities....then I get a treat when it does not work out!!!" Thus--G. Corral it was!!!
I wish today that people understood the difference in this world between benevolance (doing for someone cause you view them as "helpless"--which is a different definition than Christ's benevolance) and true inclusive community. It would make my life a lot more easy. Awww...I suppose life was not meant to be easy.
Twitch, twitch, twitch....it's driving me nuts. They need to make a pill or something that can deal with this!!!
I used coupons today....and they helped me make my budget at the grocery store!!! That's always nice :) Thanks to my sister who does the couponing. I just get to benefit from her efforts (cause if it was left up to me...couponing would NEVER happen).
Okay--I think that's my randomness for right now. Have a good week!
I woke up early this morning and watched the World Trade Center Memorial--along with the one at the Pentagon, and Pennsylvania.
I had not planned on waking up early today--it just happened anyway.
And today--for my 9/11 "memorial"--I want to say thank you!
Thank you to the members of the plane crews....
Thank you to the firefighters, the police people, the construction people, steel workers, the EMT's...and anyone I'm forgetting.
Thank you to the woman in charge of the trains that ran under the WTC--emptying 1000 people every minute or so into the WTC basement. Thank you for being in the North Tower for a breakfast meeting. Thank you for stopping the trains once you knew something was happening--even though you had no idea what was happening. Thank you for, 10 years later, giving me physical sense of relief--that maybe, just maybe, my friend who could have been there that morning wouldn't have ever gotten there in the first place. Cause you stopped the trains.
Thank you to the citizens of every city--for working together. For helping miracles to happen. For staying as calm as you could.
Thank you to all those who worked on "the pile" and the other 2 areas.
Thank you to the citizens on Flight 93.
Thank you to my parents--to my friend's parents--the the RS President.
Thank you to the president, the mayor, the leaders--who worked so hard amidst insane conditions.
Thank you to the countries who observed moments of silent. Who cried, as we cried, moaned, and desperately tried to figure out how to "go on".
Thank you to the families--who have grieved with so much loss. Who have put up with so much--thank you.
Thank you to my students--who kept me centered that day. To my mentor--who helped--as we worked together to work through that day. To those I worked with--who made the day survivable....
Thank you to the students--for caring.
Thank you to those who've worked so hard on the "rebuildings" and the "memorials".
Thank you--to our Lord and Saviour--for being there. Amidst the confusion--the horror--I know You were there......along with Our Father.
I'm sure I"ve forgotten some one. Thank you to the FAA, the workers for the airlines--who tried so hard to figure out what was happening. Thank you for the military people--who tried so hard to figure out what was happening. Thank you to the news people for working so hard. I am sorry about the guilt you feel--it is not your fault!
Thank you to the survivors--and the victims--for being SO BRAVE!!!
Thank you--just thank you!!! To those who displayed what it means to be an American!
The though that has been passing through my head for the last couple months has been the thought "what was it like before?" I'm not sure why this has been my thought. Perhaps because it's been 9 years--
And things are still different--they will be forever. Forever....
My heart broke that day. The pain was indescribable. And I didn't lose any specific person that day. I feel strange even describing it--as I didn't lose a specific person.
God Bless the USA. Always remember!
But strangely--I feel different today. It broke my heart--and in some ways--opened my heart in ways I would have never fathomed then. I feel sad about those who have closed their hearts in this country--who have remained in that "anger" place. Anger is a part of grief. But if we only stay there...we never move forward. I feel grateful for those first responders--for those who have given up their lives since.
But more so--I feel grateful for all of those, day in/day out who live in both cities--who lost people that day--and have gone on with their lives.
Who live life--everyday---caring, wearing, daring.....
Keep moving forward--we must always remember---but will always dare to go forward!
Here are my rememberances from years in the past. I apologize if any pictures or videos don't work....
August 17, 2000.....
I had a dream. I don't remember when it started. Probably since I was pretty young and "Big" was my favorite movie for years. I watched it not only because Tom Hanks was funny, but because it was so cool to see New York. I remember wondering about NYC when watching the Facts of Life, or the Cosby Show.
This dream got me through my 4 years at Utah State--during times when nothing else was motivating, finishing college so that I could fulfill this dream often got me out of bed, or got me to finish homework at 3:00 a.m. when nothing else would.
Others may think this dream silly....especially those who have been in bigger and more exciting places. But, I had a drive. I do not know why...just a drive.
So, after 6 months of working and saving, and studying....I made my reservations (twice), and I boarded a plane for the very first time (I was 23), and I fulfilled my dream.
It was the year before....one year and 26 days to be exact. Think of that....one year and 26 days. 391 days before.....imagine being someone who could say "just one day before...."--I know someone who can say that....
Here was my view from 391 days before (I finished this scrap book on 9/8/01):
"It was such a bright and sunny morning that morning..."
This is where I went, Aug. 17, 2000....around 9:30 that morning. I purchased my tickets to Riverdance at the TKTS stand in the lobby of the North Tower around 10:30 a.m.
(I love how I wrote "Looking up"--what else could you do but look up?)
You can see my caption there...about the first attack in 1993.
I did not go to the top. I had tickets...but the line was too long....
Cause this was where I was heading that morning. Spent the rest of the afternoon on those 2 islands:
This was my view from the ferry:
This was where I landed, 8 weeks earlier, July 2001:
Logan International Airport, Boston
This is what I wrote last year:
Today, I don't want to share that experience. Instead, I want to share these. You tube is a very interesting concept. A lot of the videos on it are useless, stupid, vile, etc. But, from time to time, something great can be found.So, today, I say let's make sure to never forget--as the country song asks: Do you remember, what you felt that day?The first is a wonderfully touching video--to remind us why we are all here, and Who is here if we choose to follow Him and let Him in.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxJiiWo0JbE&mode=related&search=The second is footage by a family/friends who lived nearby the WTC. It is raw footage of that morning. I share it today not to support the poor use of the footage that happens so often, in a disrespectful way. Instead, I am sharing it to help us never forget. It has been carefully edited by those who recorded it for this reason.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNNTcHq5Tzk&mode=related&search=Never forget!!!
This is my blog entry from September 11, 2006---my experience of that day:
Today has been a very busy day. Productive--until the power went out in the building I was working in--but busy. So, I have yet to be able to remember 9/11/01. So, here is my momment of rememberance:On 9/11 I was in my 3 week of teaching in a new classroom and school. Let's say, I believe that 9/11 was pre-emptive to how the next 5 years went. My mom was getting a chemo treatment that day for breast cancer. The day started out beautiful. I walked in--my students came running in off of the bus--telling me that a plan had hit a building in NYC. They knew I loved NYC. I had taught them well! A new friend/teacher asked me to check out something in her classroom. Needless to say, we didn't think it was that big of a deal. Sad, scary; yes. But, not a terrorist attack.That was until I stopped mid-stream first period--as we were sort of watching, yet talking about what was happening--as the other plane flew in. I can't remember if it was Katie Couric (I think so) who had a look of utter horror (like--I want my kids, and I want out of here!) That's when it hit me. This was an act of war. I ran next door and told my neighbor teacher this.It may not seem significant to others--but I had been in NYC almost exactly a year before 9/11. I had visited the WTC. I had purchased tickets to Riverdance at 10:00 a.m. (approx.) on the first floor of the North Tower. I didn't go to the top, because I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty more (and Ellis Island). Approx. 8 weeks earlier I had flown into Logan International. I knew how many people could be in the WTC. I knew what time things opened. And, I also realized approx. 30 minutes into 9/11 that one of my friends from my ward had run up to me on Sunday and had asked to borrow my NYC tourist stuff (maps, etc.) I had happily given it to me. She was taking the red-eye with a relative who worked with a company (airline) and was going there for a business meeting. I had told this friend to go to the WTC to buy tickets for the broadway plays--at 10:00 a.m. I knew someone who was there--and I didn't know where she was that morning--but I had a feeling from what she had told me about their plans--that she would have been heading that morning to lower Manhatten--to the WTC--to purchase those tickets. This was when everything sunk in. This was when I had to stop the tears, and turn off the TV. It was scaring the students--because suddenly my "brave" act was turning into absolute anxiety and panic.Needless to say, once I got home that night, I tried to call her mom. I couldn't get through. The Relief Society President called me and asked me if she was there--in NYC. I cannot tell you what it felt like to tell someone, yes--you know someone who is there--and no, you don't know where she is at.Via a miracle created by He who controls all, my friend's mom hit the wrong button, and accidentally called me back approx. a half hour later. I asked her if they had heard from her (and from the other relative). They had. She had felt sick all that morning. She had planned to go to the WTC that morning (she would have been there...)--but everytime she woke up, she felt too sick to get up. She did not even know it had happened until after they had fallen (I think).Needless to say, I was relieved--yet, a piece of me was gone. Anguished, in pain--in mourning. It's hard to be in mourning, when you have no one to mourn. It's hard to be in mourning no matter what--but when you've lost the dream of a favorite place...Well, it seems unimportant to others. It is, compared to those who lost people! But, it is a loss none-the less. I just remember--I couldn't cry. I didn't cry for 2 weeks--until the sobs hit. The realization of the closeness sunk in. I can't describe it in a way that gives it justice--but 9/11, like Columbine hit home to me. Some other "big" momments affected me, but didn't hit home. But, 9/11 hit me in a core place which I cannot describe. It has changed me for the better--and also made me grateful to be someone who has been to the WTC. I live life differently now. I live life with a hope to not regret how I've lived my life. I try to take advantage of the opportunities and blessings I'm given, even if it's hard to do. I did this before 9/11--but try to do it even more now.So, in honor of 9/11 I leave this to the Internet void: All we've heard about after 9/11 is making the world safe. The world is not safe. It wasn't before 9/11, and it isn't now. So, we can either live life in a constipated way, waiting for others to take care of us and make sure we're safe, or we can do what we can to provide for ourselves, keep ourselves safe, but recognize that life was meant to be lived--not safely--but lived. Those who are willing to take risks; Who are willing to work EVERYDAY in a building like the North and South Towers took risks everyday. And, I think it's a poor way to remember them by stopping ourselves from living life because we don't want to take risks. Not taking risks will stop our potential dead in it's track. What's more sad? To die taking a "safe" risk like working in a large steel tower, or riding on a plane--or never doing anything because it may not be safe away (or for that matter, taking risks that are not worth much of anything--like eating worms such as can be seen on reality TV)? So--that is my in put.And--to reinforce this idea, check out the link to the title of this post. It's the live camera at Time Square. Check out all those risk takers!
Here's how I still feel about that day:
(This came from the Deseret News--and was likely from a different newspaper).
Finally, here is my link that slightly discusses my visit to the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial: http://disillusionedday.blogspot.com/2007/06/totally-wicked.html
And here is the blog about my visit back to that dream city, this April, 2008:
This is a website dedicated to the victims of 9/11:
http://www.jontzen.com/tribute.htm
Only watch this.....with tissues:
For the victims of 9/11 and their families.....this day will always be remembered.
For me, the days before this day in 2001 seems like an eternity ago.
I LOVE NYC....it is a remarkable place. The difference in NYC is remarkable between my visit in 2000, and my visit in 2008, but....
I record this...these memories once a year...every year on this date....
So that those who remember are not alone.
And so the rest of us, NEVER FORGET....what a difference 391 days can make.
Finally...here is something that flew around the "Internet" World of that day and age...
Who knows it's reality...who really cares? But, I think it is remember that this as well, especially in this day and age, is remembered as well. I do not do this to "toot a U.S. horn"....I do this to help us remember...and never forget:
"This, from a Canadian newspaper, is worth sharing.
America: The Good Neighbor.
Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record:
'This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth. Germany, Japan, and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of the war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and fogave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States. When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.
When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.
The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, war-mongering Americans. I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American planes?
Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon---not once, but several times and safely home again.
You talk about scandals, and the Americans but theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here.
When the railways of France, Germany, and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke.
I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake.
Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those. Stand proud America!'"
I've been thinking about this day for a long time...on what to blog. I'm still not really sure. It's been 8 years. 9 years and 25 days since I walked in the lobby of the North Tower. 8 years since my friend was too sick that morning to take the subway straight to the North Tower---where I had told her to go to buy tickets to a Broadway musical. And now it's been 1 year and 5 months since visiting again. This all seems so important...and yet so minimal at the same time.
I watched "We are Marshall" a couple weeks ago. There was a line that the "head coach" said in the movie--the coach who replaced the head coach who died in the plane crash. He said something to the extent that when we play the game, without thinking about "them" (the victims) every morning...that is the day we truly honor their memory. But, I don't know that I agree with that. I think more about the thousands of names...pictures and names...and do we honor them?
So, with the inability to truly honor as one might want to--I include this link as a way to honor and remember those who died that day:
And--So we never forget--what can never be forgotten:
Talking to my mother a while ago--we talked about that day. I remembered the video above--I saw it years ago for the first time on You Tube. And I talked about the preparations that must have taken place "beyond the veil"---just for that day "imagine the spirits....and the planning...the preparation it took". I told my mom about a story one survivor shared...about a woman who approached her in the stairwell. She was tired, and did not think she could go any further. The lady took her by the arm and said something like "now it's time for you to run--we'll run together. But you have to run." I've heard this story from this same lady more than once on one of the 9/11 shows one of the cable channels have put together. She talked about how once she was outside the building...soon afterward that lady left her--once she was safe, telling her she was "safe now". She did not know that lady, and did not know what happened to that lady. I've heard other similar stories (both related and not related to that day)...even experienced something similar myself (although I was not in anywhere as much danger as that lady was). Hearing that story just makes me think about the heralds of those helping that day. Helping the living---helping those going to the other side of the veil. Helping the survivors...the survivor's families--and the victim's families. Helping those of us who so desperately wanted to figure out what was happening...and how to help. Helping those of us who just didn't know what to think...or what to do. Helping us now....
Finally--I think about the song below. Diana Sawyer did a special for a couple years after 9/11, where she followed the babies of 9/11 widows/widowers. I think they followed until they were about 2. But, 1 year later (I think it was a year later)...as I was still trying to wrap my head around things, I sat in my classroom late that night...of course, trying to put things together again (curriculum---mainly). I turned on the TV that night...hoping I could get something...cause I could not stand to sit in the room quiet. And, I was able to watch the special....showing these sweet little toddlers "dancing"....and they put together a music video to this song--set it up as a message from their "daddies and mommies"--that their parent who died on 9/11 hoped "they danced". I sat and sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. I have never forgotten that....ever. So, in remembrance of those children...their parents, the victims, the survivors...and so on....I hope they--and we--in remembrance--somehow, someday can "dance".
I had a dream. I don't remember when it started. Probably since I was pretty young and "Big" was my favorite movie for years. I watched it not only because Tom Hanks was funny, but because it was so cool to see New York. I remember wondering about NYC when watching the Facts of Life, or the Cosby Show.
This dream got me through my 4 years at Utah State--during times when nothing else was motivating, finishing college so that I could fulfill this dream often got me out of bed, or got me to finish homework at 3:00 a.m. when nothing else would.
Others may think this dream silly....especially those who have been in bigger and more exciting places. But, I had a drive. I do not know why...just a drive.
So, after 6 months of working and saving, and studying....I made my reservations (twice), and I boarded a plane for the very first time (I was 23), and I fulfilled my dream.
It was the year before....one year and 26 days to be exact. Think of that....one year and 26 days. 391 days before.....imagine being someone who could say "just one day before...."--I know someone who can say that....
Here was my view from 391 days before (I finished this scrap book on 9/8/01):
"It was such a bright and sunny morning that morning..."
This is where I went, Aug. 17, 2000....around 9:30 that morning. I purchased my tickets to Riverdance at the TKTS stand in the lobby of the North Tower around 10:30 a.m.
(I love how I wrote "Looking up"--what else could you do but look up?)
You can see my caption there...about the first attack in 1993.
I did not go to the top. I had tickets...but the line was too long....
Cause this was where I was heading that morning. Spent the rest of the afternoon on those 2 islands:
This was my view from the ferry:
This was where I landed, 8 weeks earlier, July 2001:
Logan International Airport, Boston
This is what I wrote last year:
Today, I don't want to share that experience. Instead, I want to share these. You tube is a very interesting concept. A lot of the videos on it are useless, stupid, vile, etc. But, from time to time, something great can be found.So, today, I say let's make sure to never forget--as the country song asks: Do you remember, what you felt that day?The first is a wonderfully touching video--to remind us why we are all here, and Who is here if we choose to follow Him and let Him in.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxJiiWo0JbE&mode=related&search=The second is footage by a family/friends who lived nearby the WTC. It is raw footage of that morning. I share it today not to support the poor use of the footage that happens so often, in a disrespectful way. Instead, I am sharing it to help us never forget. It has been carefully edited by those who recorded it for this reason.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNNTcHq5Tzk&mode=related&search=Never forget!!!
This is my blog entry from September 11, 2006---my experience of that day:
Today has been a very busy day. Productive--until the power went out in the building I was working in--but busy. So, I have yet to be able to remember 9/11/01. So, here is my momment of rememberance:On 9/11 I was in my 3 week of teaching in a new classroom and school. Let's say, I believe that 9/11 was pre-emptive to how the next 5 years went. My mom was getting a chemo treatment that day for breast cancer. The day started out beautiful. I walked in--my students came running in off of the bus--telling me that a plan had hit a building in NYC. They knew I loved NYC. I had taught them well! A new friend/teacher asked me to check out something in her classroom. Needless to say, we didn't think it was that big of a deal. Sad, scary; yes. But, not a terrorist attack.That was until I stopped mid-stream first period--as we were sort of watching, yet talking about what was happening--as the other plane flew in. I can't remember if it was Katie Couric (I think so) who had a look of utter horror (like--I want my kids, and I want out of here!) That's when it hit me. This was an act of war. I ran next door and told my neighbor teacher this.It may not seem significant to others--but I had been in NYC almost exactly a year before 9/11. I had visited the WTC. I had purchased tickets to Riverdance at 10:00 a.m. (approx.) on the first floor of the North Tower. I didn't go to the top, because I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty more (and Ellis Island). Approx. 8 weeks earlier I had flown into Logan International. I knew how many people could be in the WTC. I knew what time things opened. And, I also realized approx. 30 minutes into 9/11 that one of my friends from my ward had run up to me on Sunday and had asked to borrow my NYC tourist stuff (maps, etc.) I had happily given it to me. She was taking the red-eye with a relative who worked with a company (airline) and was going there for a business meeting. I had told this friend to go to the WTC to buy tickets for the broadway plays--at 10:00 a.m. I knew someone who was there--and I didn't know where she was that morning--but I had a feeling from what she had told me about their plans--that she would have been heading that morning to lower Manhatten--to the WTC--to purchase those tickets. This was when everything sunk in. This was when I had to stop the tears, and turn off the TV. It was scaring the students--because suddenly my "brave" act was turning into absolute anxiety and panic.Needless to say, once I got home that night, I tried to call her mom. I couldn't get through. The Relief Society President called me and asked me if she was there--in NYC. I cannot tell you what it felt like to tell someone, yes--you know someone who is there--and no, you don't know where she is at.Via a miracle created by He who controls all, my friend's mom hit the wrong button, and accidentally called me back approx. a half hour later. I asked her if they had heard from her (and from the other relative). They had. She had felt sick all that morning. She had planned to go to the WTC that morning (she would have been there...)--but everytime she woke up, she felt too sick to get up. She did not even know it had happened until after they had fallen (I think).Needless to say, I was relieved--yet, a piece of me was gone. Anguished, in pain--in mourning. It's hard to be in mourning, when you have no one to mourn. It's hard to be in mourning no matter what--but when you've lost the dream of a favorite place...Well, it seems unimportant to others. It is, compared to those who lost people! But, it is a loss none-the less. I just remember--I couldn't cry. I didn't cry for 2 weeks--until the sobs hit. The realization of the closeness sunk in. I can't describe it in a way that gives it justice--but 9/11, like Columbine hit home to me. Some other "big" momments affected me, but didn't hit home. But, 9/11 hit me in a core place which I cannot describe. It has changed me for the better--and also made me grateful to be someone who has been to the WTC. I live life differently now. I live life with a hope to not regret how I've lived my life. I try to take advantage of the opportunities and blessings I'm given, even if it's hard to do. I did this before 9/11--but try to do it even more now.So, in honor of 9/11 I leave this to the Internet void: All we've heard about after 9/11 is making the world safe. The world is not safe. It wasn't before 9/11, and it isn't now. So, we can either live life in a constipated way, waiting for others to take care of us and make sure we're safe, or we can do what we can to provide for ourselves, keep ourselves safe, but recognize that life was meant to be lived--not safely--but lived. Those who are willing to take risks; Who are willing to work EVERYDAY in a building like the North and South Towers took risks everyday. And, I think it's a poor way to remember them by stopping ourselves from living life because we don't want to take risks. Not taking risks will stop our potential dead in it's track. What's more sad? To die taking a "safe" risk like working in a large steel tower, or riding on a plane--or never doing anything because it may not be safe away (or for that matter, taking risks that are not worth much of anything--like eating worms such as can be seen on reality TV)? So--that is my in put.And--to reinforce this idea, check out the link to the title of this post. It's the live camera at Time Square. Check out all those risk takers!
Here's how I still feel about that day:
(This came from the Deseret News--and was likely from a different newspaper).
Finally, here is my link that slightly discusses my visit to the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial: http://disillusionedday.blogspot.com/2007/06/totally-wicked.html
And here is the blog about my visit back to that dream city, this April, 2008:
This is a website dedicated to the victims of 9/11:
http://www.jontzen.com/tribute.htm
Only watch this.....with tissues:
For the victims of 9/11 and their families.....this day will always be remembered.
For me, the days before this day in 2001 seems like an eternity ago.
I LOVE NYC....it is a remarkable place. The difference in NYC is remarkable between my visit in 2000, and my visit in 2008, but....
I record this...these memories once a year...every year on this date....
So that those who remember are not alone.
And so the rest of us, NEVER FORGET....what a difference 391 days can make.
Finally...here is something that flew around the "Internet" World of that day and age...
Who knows it's reality...who really cares? But, I think it is remember that this as well, especially in this day and age, is remembered as well. I do not do this to "toot a U.S. horn"....I do this to help us remember...and never forget:
"This, from a Canadian newspaper, is worth sharing.
America: The Good Neighbor.
Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record:
'This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth. Germany, Japan, and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of the war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and fogave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States. When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.
When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.
The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, war-mongering Americans. I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American planes?
Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon---not once, but several times and safely home again.
You talk about scandals, and the Americans but theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here.
When the railways of France, Germany, and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke.
I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake.
Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those. Stand proud America!'"
If you click on the title, you can find my blog from 9/11 last year. I shared my experience that day in that blog.
Today, I don't want to share that experience. Instead, I want to share these. You tube is a very interesting concept. A lot of the videos on it are useless, stupid, vile, etc. But, from time to time, something great can be found.
So, today, I say let's make sure to never forget--as the country song asks: Do you remember, what you felt that day?
The first is a wonderfully touching video--to remind us why we are all here, and Who is here if we choose to follow Him and let Him in.
The second is footage by a family/friends who lived nearby the WTC. It is raw footage of that morning. I share it today not to support the poor use of the footage that happens so often, in a disrespectful way. Instead, I am sharing it to help us never forget. It has been carefully edited by those who recorded it for this reason.
Today has been a very busy day. Productive--until the power went out in the building I was working in--but busy. So, I have yet to be able to remember 9/11/01. So, here is my momment of rememberance:
On 9/11 I was in my 3 week of teaching in a new classroom and school. Let's say, I believe that 9/11 was pre-emptive to how the next 5 years went. My mom was getting a chemo treatment that day for breast cancer. The day started out beautiful. I walked in--my students came running in off of the bus--telling me that a plan had hit a building in NYC. They knew I loved NYC. I had taught them well! A new friend/teacher asked me to check out something in her classroom. Needless to say, we didn't think it was that big of a deal. Sad, scary; yes. But, not a terrorist attack.
That was until I stopped mid-stream first period--as we were sort of watching, yet talking about what was happening--as the other plane flew in. I can't remember if it was Katie Couric (I think so) who had a look of utter horror (like--I want my kids, and I want out of here!) That's when it hit me. This was an act of war. I ran next door and told my neighbor teacher this.
It may not seem significant to others--but I had been in NYC almost exactly a year before 9/11. I had visited the WTC. I had purchased tickets to Riverdance at 10:00 a.m. (approx.) on the first floor of the North Tower. I didn't go to the top, because I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty more (and Ellis Island). Approx. 8 weeks earlier I had flown into Logan International. I knew how many people could be in the WTC. I knew what time things opened. And, I also realized approx. 30 minutes into 9/11 that one of my friends from my ward had run up to me on Sunday and had asked to borrow my NYC tourist stuff (maps, etc.) I had happily given it to me. She was taking the red-eye with a relative who worked with a company (airline) and was going there for a business meeting. I had told this friend to go to the WTC to buy tickets for the broadway plays--at 10:00 a.m. I knew someone who was there--and I didn't know where she was that morning--but I had a feeling from what she had told me about their plans--that she would have been heading that morning to lower Manhatten--to the WTC--to purchase those tickets. This was when everything sunk in. This was when I had to stop the tears, and turn off the TV. It was scaring the students--because suddenly my "brave" act was turning into absolute anxiety and panic.
Needless to say, once I got home that night, I tried to call her mom. I couldn't get through. The Relief Society President called me and asked me if she was there--in NYC. I cannot tell you what it felt like to tell someone, yes--you know someone who is there--and no, you don't know where she is at.
Via a miracle created by He who controls all, my friend's mom hit the wrong button, and accidentally called me back approx. a half hour later. I asked her if they had heard from her (and from the other relative). They had. She had felt sick all that morning. She had planned to go to the WTC that morning (she would have been there...)--but everytime she woke up, she felt too sick to get up. She did not even know it had happened until after they had fallen (I think).
Needless to say, I was relieved--yet, a piece of me was gone. Anguished, in pain--in mourning. It's hard to be in mourning, when you have no one to mourn. It's hard to be in mourning no matter what--but when you've lost the dream of a favorite place...Well, it seems unimportant to others. It is, compared to those who lost people! But, it is a loss none-the less. I just remember--I couldn't cry. I didn't cry for 2 weeks--until the sobs hit. The realization of the closeness sunk in. I can't describe it in a way that gives it justice--but 9/11, like Columbine hit home to me. Some other "big" momments affected me, but didn't hit home. But, 9/11 hit me in a core place which I cannot describe. It has changed me for the better--and also made me grateful to be someone who has been to the WTC. I live life differently now. I live life with a hope to not regret how I've lived my life. I try to take advantage of the opportunities and blessings I'm given, even if it's hard to do. I did this before 9/11--but try to do it even more now.
So, in honor of 9/11 I leave this to the Internet void: All we've heard about after 9/11 is making the world safe. The world is not safe. It wasn't before 9/11, and it isn't now. So, we can either live life in a constipated way, waiting for others to take care of us and make sure we're safe, or we can do what we can to provide for ourselves, keep ourselves safe, but recognize that life was meant to be lived--not safely--but lived. Those who are willing to take risks; Who are willing to work EVERYDAY in a building like the North and South Towers took risks everyday. And, I think it's a poor way to remember them by stopping ourselves from living life because we don't want to take risks. Not taking risks will stop our potential dead in it's track. What's more sad? To die taking a "safe" risk like working in a large steel tower, or riding on a plane--or never doing anything because it may not be safe away (or for that matter, taking risks that are not worth much of anything--like eating worms such as can be seen on reality TV)? So--that is my in put.
And--to reinforce this idea, check out the link to the title of this post. It's the live camera at Time Square. Check out all those risk takers!
To Honor this 10th Anniversary--I'm going to post my 5 previous posts from the last 5 years on 9/11/01 for a couple days--so you can view them. The first is from 2006. They'll each follow in succession as I post them until 2010. On Sunday I'll post this year's.
I've been promised that words and actions will have good effect.
Yes--literally blessed/promised.
But---that does not mean they'll have good effect for me---
Or that I'll see that good effect.
And some days it's just too much.
It's too much--to get bombarded with emotional people, stuck on traditions that are outdated and need to end, but they refuse to see how things could be better.
It's too much for me to repititively have to ask people to not use derogatory words and phrases.
It's too much for me to continue this mission--constantly called up on to stand alone.
I'm grateful the Lord is there--and stands with me--or I could honestly just give up on the days...when it's too much.
Been pondering this--as I said in an earlier post.
The news is progressively been discussing this "what has changed in 10 years" question.
So--I thought I'd add a few of my own--
In 10 years, what has changed?
1. I don't "put up" with as much any more...emotionally, mentally, etc. I think part of the "chutzpah" comes from the years of experience I've gained--as well as getting to be older than 30. But--I think "nation wide"--we could say that, overall, much of attitudes have changed. Flight 93 happened for a reason. And we honor the memories of those who were brave enough to say "No way!", by, in essence, doing the same.
2. I fly more. Yup--WAY more.
3. I've changed jobs, held 3 plus jobs at one time, gained 8 more years of schooling, moved 4 times--yup--faced fears I think....
4. I've gone back to where "it" happened--both in the NY and in the DC. Which was really, really good.
5. I've learned to confront anxiety--and beat it. At least beat it better than before.
6. I use the internet more (dur!)
7. I pray more--not that I didn't pray a lot then--just even more now.
8. I "defy" the odds more--especially the assumptions of others.
9. I still attempt to live without regrets--actually--this increased after that day.
10. I think (hope, pray) I recognize how important life is--living it to the fullest, and recognizing what is important--more now.
Mmmmm.....ya--I LOVE proving those whom are obsessed with fear wrong :)
P.S. I ALSO passed 4 stats classes--with nothing less than an A- and my mother is still breathing. Ya--that's a raspberry in some eyes :)
So--I'm sending out an "all call". I want to hear from others. How have you changed in the 10 years "since"? What do you do to "prove them wrong"? How do you live your life each day differently? So--I'd love for everyone to make a list on your blog of the 10 ways you live differently now--but not the "negative" changes--the positive ones--how do you "prove them wrong" everyday? So--write you list, and then link your blog into a comment on mine. I'd love to read everyone else's!!!
