Why...

It's very odd in this world. We often ask the question "why?".

Like 5 year olds exploring their new universe--we ask the universe "why?".

What is odder still--is sometimes knowing--at least in part--"why?"

Why is my mother dying--for example.

Most would say "well--you can't know why." Or "It's just the Lord's time".

But--there are a few things I know--or at least know in part.

For example--this is not the first time my mother has "almost" died. Ya--that's been "going on" since I was 13.

Obviously it wasn't her time then---but I can tell you this.

Because of employers---and insurance companies--who would rather save a buck than ensure patient's safety--and create completely insane policies to line their pockets--while allowing permanent damage to occur to people like my mother.

Yep--that would be one of the reasons "why" my mom is dying--at least in part.

Further--because of doctors. Doctors who don't do full research--who believe one lousy research study--and follow supposed "protocols" while ignoring past drug success--and take people, like my mother, off of medications that are working to stave off a new "attack" of cancer. Oh--and let's not forget the doctor who did not refer my mother to a specialist when I was 13--leading to my mother almost dying--oh, and the doctor treating her now, who NEVER asked why she was limping--nor pried, nor paid attention!!!

Yep--that would be one of the reasons "why" my mom is dying--at least in part.

And further--because of this "Mormon" martyr ideal--this ideal out there that it is better to put one's life on the line than go into debt--even medical debt. Because of the corporations (including corporate church), and banks, and so on and so forth. Because of every last time it's been banged in my parent's heads that they should do 'everything possible" to avoid debt--my mom is dying!

And even further--because of the refusal to pay attention to one's own body--and do what it says. Because of the refusal to get help, when one needs to. Because of the absolute fear of financial problems--the denial of medical problems. Yep--ALL of these are WHY my mother is dying.

Some people would look at my list here and say "well--of course you want to find something or someone to blame". Or--"well--anger is normal"---

To them I say--you have NO idea what it is like to KNOW--to KNOW the why!!!

Sometimes (and yes, I've had 2 grandparents who have died from cancer)--it is honestly easier to not know the "whys"!!! Then you can just, with faith, say "cause it was their time to go."

But no--it's much harder to know why--and to know that if people had cared more, had paid more attention, had put people first before policies and lining their own pocket--and even if my own mother had put her health before her fears---

That likely my mother would not be dying now. That likely she would not be on chemo again--that likely the cancer would not have spread as badly in the first place.

That likely--the outcome would have been better.

Ya--sometimes it's nicer to not know the "why"s!!!