Music

I so want to vent right now. A very famous person whose name starts with an "O" once said "you teach people how to treat you." I believe this is true and not true at the same time.

But--rather then venting vaguely tonight like I typically do--I'm going to blog about music.

Di you know that the Lord--or the Spirit--communicates to me sometimes via music?

Now--many know that a good song, hymn, etc can give you chills, bring in the Spirit, etc.

But I mean--there are times in my life when literally I've received answers to prayers via songs.

Music is more important to me than even I've recognized before. Did you know that when I was initially dealing with depression, I stopped singing. I would drive home from work--turn on the radio--and not sing. I originally didn't notice. I often have songs (happy songs, hymns, annoying songs that never leave my head) running through my mind. When I was dealing with that time period in life, there were no songs in my head. I remember after starting treatment--that once I hit about the 4-6 week point I started to notice that I had not been listening to music! I all of a sudden had music in my mind again--on a regular basis. I had not even realized it wasn't there--until after I started treatment. Since then I've noticed more and more how my mental and physical health can be measured based on that truth.

I've also noticed that sometimes the right song just seems to be "sent" at the right time to me. I do give the credit for the music being sent at just the right time to the Lord.

Oh--and yes--I've dedicated songs to the young men I've had to, um, deal with in life. Typically there was a positive song to start off with. And a negative song in the end.

I won't give examples of those.

But--here's a couple examples of songs that have been answers or just come at the right time. What I find interesting is that often the song is not a hymn or "Church" song. Instead a song just from "everyday".

When I was trying to balance getting a PhD, 2-3 jobs, and helping my sister's family this song was always VERY comforting:

http://youtu.be/lydBPm2KRaU

Even though this song is by an LDS singer--and is about divorce--this song has answered more than one prayer. It's actually a theme for my future adoption. I love the message--that the Lord knows the "why"--and will solve the problems we can't solve here. He will tend all the thousands of broken branches we make in this world--and our love (my future kiddos) will be a circle--even if I can't explain how the Lord will "bridge the gaps between all things we can't explain". I also love how she turns it to all of us in the end--that we are all part of the Lord's "Family Tree"!!!

http://youtu.be/XkaKQK00-I0

This song has a particularly significant message to me. As I returned to "tundra land" last year, after receiving the surprising answer that the Lord wanted me to "move"-literally as I drove through a frozen tundra--I laid out for the Lord every last problem--every last issue, every last reason why "this" was bad timing, a bad idea, and so forth. I tried to give it to the Lord--I desperately pleaded that somehow he would make the miracle occur which I knew was going to have to occur (which has occurred). Nothing "made sense" to me. It was not my first, nor my last desperate plea, nor my lowest moment (although it was pretty close). I had heard this song numerous times over the first semester of last year. It always brought me comfort. But--literally as I was driving over the "bluff"--this song came in--right as I completed my plea. I knew immediately that it was my answer--that this was "temporary". I recognized that the Lord had been telling me this all along--but that I had been trying so hard to "make it work"--that I wasn't "hearing" the song.

Here's the most interesting part. I heard this song a couple more times before I moved. I basically have not heard it since. Tonight (and I'm choosing to hear it--it's not coming on the radio randomly like it did last year)is the first time I've heard it since moving "south". I find that personally not a "circumstance".

Perhaps I haven't heard it as much since because I haven't needed it as much--and perhaps it is because now the last part is the harder part--while dealing with my mom's terminal cancer. I love the message--but not the "temporary" part right now.

http://youtu.be/LraOiHUltak

A couple weeks ago--in a desperate day--I went for a drive. It was a beautiful drive--right as fall was starting. I prayed and prayed. I needed comfort. I put in a new album I'd had for weeks--but had not listened to yet. An album by my favorite country artist. I heard the first verse and started to weep. This song still brings me the exact comfort I need. You cannot tell me it's not inspired--and that the Lord did not "plan" that. I know He did.

http://youtu.be/sqI-QUheGKs

And then--there was last night. My answers last night were different. heck--yesterday was different. Not really though. I've had to play this "role" before. It sucks--but such is life. But--as "O" said-sometimes people teach us how to treat them. If they didn't want me to play the role--they'd change. It sucks for me--but I refuse to stand by and "just watch" mistreatment occur. That is if there is anything I can do...ya--it sucks!

So--these were the 2 songs from last night. Not really funny--but true! And oddly comforting last night.

http://youtu.be/1M7pCS6Jpho

My favorite part is: "behind every woman scorned, is a man who made her that way". I know she is talking about cheating--but , in general, it's true. Typically if you find a pretty "damaged" woman--you can almost always find a man who was the one who "made her that way". Pretty sad, really!

And this one--ya--I love having to be "mean"--because the other person was worse. It sucks--and I have to take the "blame"--but this song did make me feel a little better. Especially the "someday I'll be living in a big old city, and all you're ever going to be is mean"--oh--and the "the cycle ends right now". Ya--I hate sending the "cycle ends" message--but it seems to be the "lot" in my life!

Oddly comforting...

http://youtu.be/jYa1eI1hpDE

It's really hard to watch "mean" people turn themselves into lonely, narcisistic people. Such is my "curse".

So--sorry to end on a soury note. But my heart is hurting too much today to not do so. I'm grateful the Lord can get through to me via music--even when nothing else is "getting through".

Happy (I hope) listening!