Can't Miss...

What you've never had.

It's interesting--I've seen times in life when this is somewhat true.

Now, granted--before I was 15--before my family had a VCR--yes--I "wanted" a VCR.

So--yes--we can certainly COVET what we don't have.

But--what I've learned is that coveting or "wanting" is different than missing.

I think we've all experienced wanting things we don't have, wanting experiences we've never experienced, and desiring what someone else has--cause we don't have it.

BUT--I've learned this--that often we don't realize --as in we don't "miss" what we don't have--until after we've had it.

Last year, around this time of year (actually--I think it was closer to Christmas, cause I was gone from "up north" where I was living)....

I checked my phone--and saw that I had a message. So, I listened to it.

I was 10 plus hours away--so there was really nothing I could do.

But--a friend "up north" asked me if there was any way that I could sit with a woman who was newly separated--getting a divorce.

She was feeling lonely.

Unfortunately--I really couldn't do anything--so I let the friend know.

But--I realized that--although I could be compassionate--I may not have been the right person to do this.

See--I've never been married. Sure--I've wanted to be married--I've coveted other people being married, and certainly I know how it feels to be lonely (although, much to the confusion of MANY especially LDS people--just because I live by myself does not typically mean that I feel lonely. And even married people can feel and be lonely in the same room with their spouse)---

But--I do not know how it feels to have a spouse--and then not have a spouse. I suppose I can "imagine"--but there are quite a few components of this I don't know that I'll ever understand.

Earlier this week someone caring told me that I "am not the typical LDS woman". I laughed.

As anyone who reads this blog regularly should know--the "life path" I'm on is definitely not where I "imagined" myself at 14--or 20--or 26 for that matter (although by 26 the "dream" had definitely been evolving).

I always expected to be the "typical" LDS woman. Don't know that I ever have been--nor was ever meant to be.

But--it makes me laugh cause of the stereotypes reinforced by such a comment--as well as the reality of how many LDS women are not "typical"--and even those of my friends who are--many are not "typical"--cause I know them.

But--still--I have learned a few things over the years. And I do think these things make me different. Here are a few:

--I can do A LOT. I've built furniture, hooked up appliances, fixed cars, or coordinated the fixing of cars, earned money, watched the hard earned money go out the door in bills, worked what feels like 24-7, and so forth. And this was BEFORE I moved out of my parent's home to get a Ph.D.!!!!

--Now--this does not mean I LOVE doing everything--I don't. Thus--I've had to find ways to "do it". Sometimes it means earning more money--working more than one job. Begging for help--etc. Sometimes it means going without--or understanding that the dirt doesn't move. If the house is dirty--it stays dirty. It will wait for you.

--I do not "need a man" to be happy. In fact, my personal life experience has been the opposite of that statement (as in I've found in the past that life was happier without certain men). Would I love a supporting, loving husband? Sure!!! Who wouldn't. But--not all men are that. And not all women are either. So--there u go!

--I think one of the biggest things that may make me different than SOME LDS women is that I have not waited for a "man" to have a life. There are actually many LDS women like me. But--I know I've had more than one woman and man comment to me about that. But a) this had never been my reality; b)I don't think I'm that patient to obtain some of my dreams; and c) I've learned through out this that the Lord will help me, and protect me--whether I'm married or single. So--really--I don't know what it would feel like to have "waited". It's never been what needed to occur in my life.

Anyway--I feel like I'm babbling. But-- I guess my point is--that the phone call I wrote about earlier opened up my eyes a little bit. I've never lived in a world where I would understand what it would feel like to have a spouse, than not have a spouse. I don't miss it--cause I've never had it. I see this as a blessing for me. Not so sure that others see it as a blessing--but likely that's cause they've "had" what I haven't.

Interesting thoughts I ponder in the middle of the night, aye? Good night!