Don't be funny...Don't be cute....

Cause I just can't handle it right now.

I'm breaking my rule about blogging...doing it when I usually don't.

I want to ask for prayers for my mom...she has to go on chemo again.

But--I also want/need to vent. Parents can be frustrating, as pathetic and selfish as that may sound right now.

I vent on here...my whine and cheese blog.

I admit, last year, when I couldn't vent on it--I found it truly frustrating.

There are 2 people who truly, truly completely know me. My mom....and Jesus.

And unfortunately, only 1 of them is regularly on the planet...so much so that I can call her.

But I hate this. I hate that she puts off calls to her doctor to advocate for her needs. I hate that she--for more than 20 years now, does not seem to grasp how her apathy is so selfish...so mind boggling. That it does not exemplify faith to us that her initial response is anxiety and apathy...rather than anxiety and action.

Who gives a flying fart in space if you have to go into medical debt? The Lord has always taken care of them before...he'll continue to do so now.

Who cares if it means you have to face something hard. She goes on and on how her whole life has been facing hard things. So why put them off, when you're endangering you life by doing so?

Do you really care that little about your children and husband? Cause that is what is communicated to us.

And also...the last thing I can handle today is people telling me how selfish I am. Most of these people have no idea what it's like to have grown up with a parent who has been perpetually ill. Most have no idea what it is like to have a parent who has nearly died more than once. And I can promise that most have no idea what it is like to see a parent struggle with apathy and pride--rather than demanding help...now.

The Mormon mother martyr attitude drives me nuts. And most people do not grasp this at all.

So....today, of all days....please don't say anything funny or cute. Please don't patronize me with "sympathy". And please don't tell me how selfish I am.

Because if the only person who truly, truly knew and understood you was dealing with terminal cancer.....you would likely sound as fed up and selfish as I do too.

Thanks for the vent!