Always Remember!

I sit here, watching what occurred that day.

The though that has been passing through my head for the last couple months has been the thought "what was it like before?" I'm not sure why this has been my thought. Perhaps because it's been 9 years--

And things are still different--they will be forever. Forever....

My heart broke that day. The pain was indescribable. And I didn't lose any specific person that day. I feel strange even describing it--as I didn't lose a specific person.

God Bless the USA. Always remember!

But strangely--I feel different today. It broke my heart--and in some ways--opened my heart in ways I would have never fathomed then. I feel sad about those who have closed their hearts in this country--who have remained in that "anger" place. Anger is a part of grief. But if we only stay there...we never move forward. I feel grateful for those first responders--for those who have given up their lives since.

But more so--I feel grateful for all of those, day in/day out who live in both cities--who lost people that day--and have gone on with their lives.

Who live life--everyday---caring, wearing, daring.....

Keep moving forward--we must always remember---but will always dare to go forward!

Here are my rememberances from years in the past. I apologize if any pictures or videos don't work....

August 17, 2000.....


I had a dream. I don't remember when it started. Probably since I was pretty young and "Big" was my favorite movie for years. I watched it not only because Tom Hanks was funny, but because it was so cool to see New York. I remember wondering about NYC when watching the Facts of Life, or the Cosby Show.

This dream got me through my 4 years at Utah State--during times when nothing else was motivating, finishing college so that I could fulfill this dream often got me out of bed, or got me to finish homework at 3:00 a.m. when nothing else would.

Others may think this dream silly....especially those who have been in bigger and more exciting places. But, I had a drive. I do not know why...just a drive.

So, after 6 months of working and saving, and studying....I made my reservations (twice), and I boarded a plane for the very first time (I was 23), and I fulfilled my dream.

It was the year before....one year and 26 days to be exact. Think of that....one year and 26 days. 391 days before.....imagine being someone who could say "just one day before...."--I know someone who can say that....

Here was my view from 391 days before (I finished this scrap book on 9/8/01):





"It was such a bright and sunny morning that morning..."

This is where I went, Aug. 17, 2000....around 9:30 that morning. I purchased my tickets to Riverdance at the TKTS stand in the lobby of the North Tower around 10:30 a.m.



(I love how I wrote "Looking up"--what else could you do but look up?)



You can see my caption there...about the first attack in 1993.

I did not go to the top. I had tickets...but the line was too long....



Cause this was where I was heading that morning. Spent the rest of the afternoon on those 2 islands:



This was my view from the ferry:



This was where I landed, 8 weeks earlier, July 2001:



Logan International Airport, Boston

This is what I wrote last year:

Today, I don't want to share that experience. Instead, I want to share these. You tube is a very interesting concept. A lot of the videos on it are useless, stupid, vile, etc. But, from time to time, something great can be found. So, today, I say let's make sure to never forget--as the country song asks: Do you remember, what you felt that day? The first is a wonderfully touching video--to remind us why we are all here, and Who is here if we choose to follow Him and let Him in. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxJiiWo0JbE&mode=related&search= The second is footage by a family/friends who lived nearby the WTC. It is raw footage of that morning. I share it today not to support the poor use of the footage that happens so often, in a disrespectful way. Instead, I am sharing it to help us never forget. It has been carefully edited by those who recorded it for this reason. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNNTcHq5Tzk&mode=related&search= Never forget!!!


This is my blog entry from September 11, 2006---my experience of that day:

Today has been a very busy day. Productive--until the power went out in the building I was working in--but busy. So, I have yet to be able to remember 9/11/01. So, here is my momment of rememberance: On 9/11 I was in my 3 week of teaching in a new classroom and school. Let's say, I believe that 9/11 was pre-emptive to how the next 5 years went. My mom was getting a chemo treatment that day for breast cancer. The day started out beautiful. I walked in--my students came running in off of the bus--telling me that a plan had hit a building in NYC. They knew I loved NYC. I had taught them well! A new friend/teacher asked me to check out something in her classroom. Needless to say, we didn't think it was that big of a deal. Sad, scary; yes. But, not a terrorist attack. That was until I stopped mid-stream first period--as we were sort of watching, yet talking about what was happening--as the other plane flew in. I can't remember if it was Katie Couric (I think so) who had a look of utter horror (like--I want my kids, and I want out of here!) That's when it hit me. This was an act of war. I ran next door and told my neighbor teacher this. It may not seem significant to others--but I had been in NYC almost exactly a year before 9/11. I had visited the WTC. I had purchased tickets to Riverdance at 10:00 a.m. (approx.) on the first floor of the North Tower. I didn't go to the top, because I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty more (and Ellis Island). Approx. 8 weeks earlier I had flown into Logan International. I knew how many people could be in the WTC. I knew what time things opened. And, I also realized approx. 30 minutes into 9/11 that one of my friends from my ward had run up to me on Sunday and had asked to borrow my NYC tourist stuff (maps, etc.) I had happily given it to me. She was taking the red-eye with a relative who worked with a company (airline) and was going there for a business meeting. I had told this friend to go to the WTC to buy tickets for the broadway plays--at 10:00 a.m. I knew someone who was there--and I didn't know where she was that morning--but I had a feeling from what she had told me about their plans--that she would have been heading that morning to lower Manhatten--to the WTC--to purchase those tickets. This was when everything sunk in. This was when I had to stop the tears, and turn off the TV. It was scaring the students--because suddenly my "brave" act was turning into absolute anxiety and panic. Needless to say, once I got home that night, I tried to call her mom. I couldn't get through. The Relief Society President called me and asked me if she was there--in NYC. I cannot tell you what it felt like to tell someone, yes--you know someone who is there--and no, you don't know where she is at. Via a miracle created by He who controls all, my friend's mom hit the wrong button, and accidentally called me back approx. a half hour later. I asked her if they had heard from her (and from the other relative). They had. She had felt sick all that morning. She had planned to go to the WTC that morning (she would have been there...)--but everytime she woke up, she felt too sick to get up. She did not even know it had happened until after they had fallen (I think). Needless to say, I was relieved--yet, a piece of me was gone. Anguished, in pain--in mourning. It's hard to be in mourning, when you have no one to mourn. It's hard to be in mourning no matter what--but when you've lost the dream of a favorite place...Well, it seems unimportant to others. It is, compared to those who lost people! But, it is a loss none-the less. I just remember--I couldn't cry. I didn't cry for 2 weeks--until the sobs hit. The realization of the closeness sunk in. I can't describe it in a way that gives it justice--but 9/11, like Columbine hit home to me. Some other "big" momments affected me, but didn't hit home. But, 9/11 hit me in a core place which I cannot describe. It has changed me for the better--and also made me grateful to be someone who has been to the WTC. I live life differently now. I live life with a hope to not regret how I've lived my life. I try to take advantage of the opportunities and blessings I'm given, even if it's hard to do. I did this before 9/11--but try to do it even more now. So, in honor of 9/11 I leave this to the Internet void: All we've heard about after 9/11 is making the world safe. The world is not safe. It wasn't before 9/11, and it isn't now. So, we can either live life in a constipated way, waiting for others to take care of us and make sure we're safe, or we can do what we can to provide for ourselves, keep ourselves safe, but recognize that life was meant to be lived--not safely--but lived. Those who are willing to take risks; Who are willing to work EVERYDAY in a building like the North and South Towers took risks everyday. And, I think it's a poor way to remember them by stopping ourselves from living life because we don't want to take risks. Not taking risks will stop our potential dead in it's track. What's more sad? To die taking a "safe" risk like working in a large steel tower, or riding on a plane--or never doing anything because it may not be safe away (or for that matter, taking risks that are not worth much of anything--like eating worms such as can be seen on reality TV)? So--that is my in put. And--to reinforce this idea, check out the link to the title of this post. It's the live camera at Time Square. Check out all those risk takers!

Here's how I still feel about that day:



(This came from the Deseret News--and was likely from a different newspaper).

Finally, here is my link that slightly discusses my visit to the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial: http://disillusionedday.blogspot.com/2007/06/totally-wicked.html

And here is the blog about my visit back to that dream city, this April, 2008:

http://disillusionedday.blogspot.com/2008/04/anything-can-happen.html

This is a website dedicated to the victims of 9/11:

http://www.jontzen.com/tribute.htm


Only watch this.....with tissues:



For the victims of 9/11 and their families.....this day will always be remembered.

For me, the days before this day in 2001 seems like an eternity ago.

I LOVE NYC....it is a remarkable place. The difference in NYC is remarkable between my visit in 2000, and my visit in 2008, but....

I record this...these memories once a year...every year on this date....

So that those who remember are not alone.

And so the rest of us, NEVER FORGET....what a difference 391 days can make.


Finally...here is something that flew around the "Internet" World of that day and age...

Who knows it's reality...who really cares? But, I think it is remember that this as well, especially in this day and age, is remembered as well. I do not do this to "toot a U.S. horn"....I do this to help us remember...and never forget:

"This, from a Canadian newspaper, is worth sharing.

America: The Good Neighbor.

Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record:

'This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth. Germany, Japan, and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of the war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and fogave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States. When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.

When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.

The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, war-mongering Americans. I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American planes?

Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon---not once, but several times and safely home again.

You talk about scandals, and the Americans but theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here.

When the railways of France, Germany, and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke.

I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake.

Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those. Stand proud America!'"