World Trade Towers

Today has been a very busy day. Productive--until the power went out in the building I was working in--but busy. So, I have yet to be able to remember 9/11/01. So, here is my momment of rememberance:

On 9/11 I was in my 3 week of teaching in a new classroom and school. Let's say, I believe that 9/11 was pre-emptive to how the next 5 years went. My mom was getting a chemo treatment that day for breast cancer. The day started out beautiful. I walked in--my students came running in off of the bus--telling me that a plan had hit a building in NYC. They knew I loved NYC. I had taught them well! A new friend/teacher asked me to check out something in her classroom. Needless to say, we didn't think it was that big of a deal. Sad, scary; yes. But, not a terrorist attack.

That was until I stopped mid-stream first period--as we were sort of watching, yet talking about what was happening--as the other plane flew in. I can't remember if it was Katie Couric (I think so) who had a look of utter horror (like--I want my kids, and I want out of here!) That's when it hit me. This was an act of war. I ran next door and told my neighbor teacher this.

It may not seem significant to others--but I had been in NYC almost exactly a year before 9/11. I had visited the WTC. I had purchased tickets to Riverdance at 10:00 a.m. (approx.) on the first floor of the North Tower. I didn't go to the top, because I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty more (and Ellis Island). Approx. 8 weeks earlier I had flown into Logan International. I knew how many people could be in the WTC. I knew what time things opened. And, I also realized approx. 30 minutes into 9/11 that one of my friends from my ward had run up to me on Sunday and had asked to borrow my NYC tourist stuff (maps, etc.) I had happily given it to me. She was taking the red-eye with a relative who worked with a company (airline) and was going there for a business meeting. I had told this friend to go to the WTC to buy tickets for the broadway plays--at 10:00 a.m. I knew someone who was there--and I didn't know where she was that morning--but I had a feeling from what she had told me about their plans--that she would have been heading that morning to lower Manhatten--to the WTC--to purchase those tickets. This was when everything sunk in. This was when I had to stop the tears, and turn off the TV. It was scaring the students--because suddenly my "brave" act was turning into absolute anxiety and panic.

Needless to say, once I got home that night, I tried to call her mom. I couldn't get through. The Relief Society President called me and asked me if she was there--in NYC. I cannot tell you what it felt like to tell someone, yes--you know someone who is there--and no, you don't know where she is at.

Via a miracle created by He who controls all, my friend's mom hit the wrong button, and accidentally called me back approx. a half hour later. I asked her if they had heard from her (and from the other relative). They had. She had felt sick all that morning. She had planned to go to the WTC that morning (she would have been there...)--but everytime she woke up, she felt too sick to get up. She did not even know it had happened until after they had fallen (I think).

Needless to say, I was relieved--yet, a piece of me was gone. Anguished, in pain--in mourning. It's hard to be in mourning, when you have no one to mourn. It's hard to be in mourning no matter what--but when you've lost the dream of a favorite place...Well, it seems unimportant to others. It is, compared to those who lost people! But, it is a loss none-the less. I just remember--I couldn't cry. I didn't cry for 2 weeks--until the sobs hit. The realization of the closeness sunk in. I can't describe it in a way that gives it justice--but 9/11, like Columbine hit home to me. Some other "big" momments affected me, but didn't hit home. But, 9/11 hit me in a core place which I cannot describe. It has changed me for the better--and also made me grateful to be someone who has been to the WTC. I live life differently now. I live life with a hope to not regret how I've lived my life. I try to take advantage of the opportunities and blessings I'm given, even if it's hard to do. I did this before 9/11--but try to do it even more now.

So, in honor of 9/11 I leave this to the Internet void: All we've heard about after 9/11 is making the world safe. The world is not safe. It wasn't before 9/11, and it isn't now. So, we can either live life in a constipated way, waiting for others to take care of us and make sure we're safe, or we can do what we can to provide for ourselves, keep ourselves safe, but recognize that life was meant to be lived--not safely--but lived. Those who are willing to take risks; Who are willing to work EVERYDAY in a building like the North and South Towers took risks everyday. And, I think it's a poor way to remember them by stopping ourselves from living life because we don't want to take risks. Not taking risks will stop our potential dead in it's track. What's more sad? To die taking a "safe" risk like working in a large steel tower, or riding on a plane--or never doing anything because it may not be safe away (or for that matter, taking risks that are not worth much of anything--like eating worms such as can be seen on reality TV)? So--that is my in put.

And--to reinforce this idea, check out the link to the title of this post. It's the live camera at Time Square. Check out all those risk takers!